With every intention to do this blog justice and to share my struggles and my story about PCOS...I have been failing. Let's blame everything but my lack of drive? Or going back so many years to figure out how to talk about the beginning is boring. It has been 24 years I have been struggling and whenever I try to get it all down I want to fall asleep and roll my eyes, perhaps stomp like a petulant child being made to clean my room..
So update now...It has been over a year later and I am now at 246 lbs. That number is still incredibly difficult to post here or anywhere really. Even having read back my last post where I posted I weighed 260...there has been progress and yet I am still incredibly disheartened.
So what changed in the last year to help me lose some of the weight? It wasn't until a the last year actually. I don't want to skip too far ahead...but don't worry...this isn't one of those moments where you have to read through a lot of fluff and advertisements about how if you stick with me I will share the secrets to the universe...I will give you a tidbit and just like I HATE how I am doing it, and you will too. I went gluten free (mostly, because I still screw up). Did you know that according to random research online that I have found several articles that talk about inflammatory foods and PCOS? Basically there are several foods....gluten is one of my big triggers, that will cause me to swell. Will cause joint pain and that damn scale number to go up instead of down. I also gave up pop...soda....carbonated pleasure in a can. I don't even drink diet, because mostly I think it tastes bad, and because it makes me feel bad and want to eat more. (Hint...found research on this as well, and diet pop is worse in many ways than the full sugar versions.)
Not only do I swell from eating gluten, but my joints will hurt when I have been eating things with gluten in them. At times I have gotten up in the morning and couldn't close my hands they were so swollen. I tried the Paleo diet and for me right now, it is just too restrictive. But I made adjustments and it is working slowly for me. If I went all in would I get a better result? Probably. I am simply not dedicated enough to go full bore into it. I have cut back, or cut out a lot of things though. Balance is the name of my game...oh and to lose the weight? I haven't been working out at all. So in my mind...gluten has been an enemy of mine for years...even though I love it.
Onto the PCOS diagnosis and what has been happening since. I know I am jumping around. There is just so much to get out and that is my fault for not keeping up with this.
Back then (20 years ago-ish) there wasn't a lot of information out about PCOS. Virtually nothing...and some doctors would even tell you that it wasn't a real thing. But a PA diagnosed me and then sent me on my way. I was told that I couldn't have children (I have three) the specialist I was sent to said I might need a hysterectomy at the age of 21 because my uterus was full and it most likely is cancer...I was 3 months along with my daughter. I hadn't had a period in nearly 2 years so there was no clue that she was there. Luckily they did an ultrasound first.
Something I learned? I was at a higher risk for gestational diabetes...which the military doctors never tested me for. They assumed all weight gain was from over eating and the bed rest. I ended up with a midwife in a civilian office and the first thing she did was get me tested for gestational diabetes. The test came back positive...but you already figured that out huh?
It was too late to really do much good since I was 7 months along, but I quickly changed my eating habits and ate as little sugar as possible. I adhered to what I thought was a strict diet so that the baby would be healthy...also...When I say what I thought was a strict diet...I did not realize at the time what would have been a better way to handle GD. I wasn't given a lot of information but to "cut out" sugar. I wasn't given any information about eating right as a diabetic and so I had only to go off of what I thought I knew. Sugar bad...which in my head was only processed sugar. I didn't know anything about carbs...I didn't know that bread can spike blood sugar. And the baby? Yeah she was over 8 pounds. Big girl!
After about a year later, I was put on a heavy dose of birth control pills. I was working out, and between the hormones from the pill and the gym I dropped weight quickly. I was only within 10 pounds of my high school weight and feeling fantastic. A couple of things that doctors hadn't told me? Antibiotics will make the birth control pills ineffective, and when a woman loses a bunch of weight she becomes more fertile. I had both...antibiotics and weight loss. Hello baby #2. Now...technically she was unplanned. But we had decided to have a second child, and it just so happened that I was already pregnant.
My type of PCOS is not like many others. It took two years to get pregnant with my first, but the second and third just happened easily. Sadly this is not the norm for the majority of women with PCOS. Many women struggle every step of the way and still often end up unable to conceive. I know that I am incredibly lucky.
Because I was healthier with my second pregnancy, I didn't have gestational diabetes. I wanted to go back on the pill as I equated the hormones with my weight loss...but I wasn't wanting to have another moment where they were not effective. So I switched to an IUD...hello weight gain and inability to lose it. I stayed around 190 pounds unable to budge and though I wasn't overly fixated, it wasn't where I wanted to be. However, nothing I did was working...again.
Fast forward to 11 years ago and I was around 200 when I got pregnant with my son. The gestational diabetes came crashing back, but this time I had a doctor that helped me through it. She gave me things that I hadn't had at the time....diet guidance, a blood sugar monitor (my fingers hurt just thinking about it) and a way to see what I could have and what I needed to stay away from. I still gained a lot of weight, but it could have been so much worse. I learned how to pair carbs with protein so that my blood sugar wouldn't spike, I paid attention to everything I ate and drank and I walked a lot. I was losing weight while pregnant.
And it's time to post this and pause with the hope that I will continue later today on a new post...(fingers crossed)
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